E-Dunc Watches Lost for the First Time: Part VI

(Post 1) (Post 2) (Post 3) (Post 4) (Post 5)

Season 3: Episode 16 – Episode 23

Confusion Rating:    6/5
I just have no idea what’s going on. Absolutely none. I mean, Walt made another random appearance, it was alluded to the fact that Jack’s dad is alive now, Jack’s got a beard. I don’t know what to think.

Intrigue Rating:      6/5
You’ll notice this post is shorter as I try to rush through all of these to watch the Season 4 premiere and get some answers.

In-Tune Rating:    3/5
Despite all the unanswered questions at the end of the season, I did pretty well in this small section as far as short-term predictions.

Enjoyment Rating:    5/5
Wow. That’s all I’ve got right now. Wow.

Lost Rating:        20/20

Nailed It
The big twists that I nailed in this section.

Penny not behind the helicopter.
This was a roller coaster prediction. When the person who came out of the helicopter turned out not to be Penny I was extremely confident that I was right. Then I thought I blew it for a second when she talked to Charlie. Then, of course, I found I was right after all.

Hurley saved the day.
They took two or three episodes making Hurley completely useless which led me to predict at the very beginning of the finale that he was going to save the day. There was just no other reason to make him so worthless. Then he came storming the beach in his VW bus and saving the day.

Blind Sided
Things I just didn’t see coming.

Ben gassed the Dharma Initiative.
We knew that Ben was manipulative and driven in his goals, but gassing his father and everyone else he knew in the Dharma Initiative? LeBron James thinks that cold.

Jacob is … um … Jacob.
So I have no idea what Jacob is but I was expecting a, I don’t know, person? I was sort of expecting that there might not be a Jacob but whatever happened in that shack I was not expecting.

Crazy/Interesting Observations

Why did Charlie shut the door?
When the window blew, he was already heading to the door. He could have easily gotten on the other side of the door, and shut it with Desmond’s help. Not possible you say? Well then, why not try squeezing through the window? Who cares if you probably can’t fit through, you’re going to die either way, why not at least try?

Predictions

Some decide to stay on the Island.I think it’s obvious that Locke is going to try to stay, but I’m going to predict that Rose and Bernard chose to stay. I’m also going to throw out the ridiculously bold prediction that Clare stays too. I don’t know why she would, but I can’t help but shake the feeling that she will.

Ben brings everyone back to the Island, but they have to choose to do so.
Ben seemed pretty hell-bent on keeping Jack and crew on the Island so I gotta think that they’re fairly important for … something. Look for him and Locke to bring everyone back.

Power Rankings

 

The E-Duncs: Part III

I'm embarrassed. No other way to say it. Ideally, I'm finishing up the E-Duncs in late February. Here we are in mid-April and I had to force myself to crank it out. I'm making a Tebow-esk promise, here and now: this will never happen again. God bless!

The Captain Jack Sparrow Award
(Best Character)
Hit Girl (Chloe Moretz) – Kick-Ass

I feel like Kick-Ass has been whipped from our collective memory of 2010 and for the life of me I can’t figure out why. It was one of my favorite movies of the year and Hit Girl was one of the keys to success. I got tremendous joy watching hoodlums and goons alike getting mercilessly beaten by a 12-year-old girl.


Runners-up:
Roy Miller (Tom Cruise) – Knight & Day
Eames (Tom Hardy) - Inception
Eli (Denzel Washington) – Book of Eli

The Guy Germaine Award
(Most Underrated Character)
Jacob (Clark Duke) – Hot Tub Time Machine

Another movie that seems to have been erased from our memory but, again, one of my favorites. All the credit for this movie goes to Rob Cordery and Darrell from The Office, and justifiably so, but I feel like Clark Duke deserves a large share of kudos for his Hurley-like contribution to the movie (solid one-liners, moved the plot along, fat).

The Serenity Award
(Most Underrated Movie)
Easy A

Despite what the poster would have you
believe, this movie is actually good.

 

Now stay with me here because I’m about to assassinate my credibility but I want to hear me out before you head over to my Facebook page and yell at me for an hour. Alright, are you calm. I enjoyed Easy A more than Black Swan. Woooooo! I said hear me out! Two points I want to make here: (1) Easy A is extremely re-watchable and is overall, a more enjoyable experience from start to finish (mainly because Ema Stone doesn’t pulling off her toenails at any point). (2) Easy A could have been one of the least successfully marketed movies in recent memory. We were led to believe that this is some sort of high school movie in the vein of 17 Again or I Love You Beth Cooper (Read: terrible). This is simply not the case. It’s probably most closely related to Mean Girls (an obvious connection that you would have thought they would have made) but, in my opinion, better.  

Runner-up
Karate Kid

The Rock Award
(Best Pure Action Film)
Iron Man 2

If we’re talking movie quality here, I gotta go with The Town but if we’re talking watch cool fights and explosions (which is exactly what I’m talking about), you go with Iron Man 2. This will never be a movie where you’ll be sitting around on a Saturday one day and say, “I have to watch Iron Man 2!” But if you’re channel surfing and find it on FX, you’re probably going to stop and watch it. And that’s pretty much all you can ask from an action movie.

Runners-up:
The Town
Knight and Day

The Superbad Award
(Best Comedy of the Year)
Kick-Ass

What I liked about Kick-Ass the most, I think, was the fact that it was a fresh movie. There really has never been anything like Kick-Ass, that I can think of. I know Pineapple Express did the whole action-comedy thing, but this just felt different. I was more satisfied walking out of this movie than any other movie I say in 2010 (yes, even Inception. My brain was too busy trying to figure out what just happened).


Runners-up:
Hot Tub Time Machine
Easy A

The Braveheart Award
(Best Score)
Inception

Now you can say you know what
Hans Zimmer looks like. You're
welcome

Hans Zimmer is my boy (yes, I know several movie composers, that’s how cool I am)! This could be his best work as it diverges from his normal scores (think Pirates or Dark Knight) and perfectly melds with the complexities of the movie itself.


Runners-up:
Social Network
True Grit
Robin Hood

The Assassination of Jesse James Award
(Best Cinematography)
Inception

This was a tough call but at the end of the day, the scene where Joseph Gordon-Levitt is fighting people in zero-gravity won out. Black Swan put up a hell of a fight though and I actually 127 Hours winning this award for awhile.

Runners-up:
Black Swan
127 Hours

The Shawshank Redemption Award
(Best Screenplay)
Social Network

Inception has a great plot and the idea behind it is mind-blowing, but Social Network has some of the best dialogue and character development in years. Admittedly, I’m a huge Aaron Sorkin fan (I think West Wing is the greatest TV show ever), so perhaps I’m a little biased, but the Academy agrees with me, so there!

Runners-up:
Inception
The King’s Speech

The Heath Ledger Memorial Award
(Best Supporting Actor)
Christian Bale – The Fighter

As the runaway winner of this award, the only thing that I’m going to say about this performance is that I’m 100% convinced that Christian Bale was on crack while making the movie. You will not be able to convince me otherwise.

Runners-up:
Geoffrey Rush – The King’s Speech
Matt Damon – True Grit
Ben Kingsley – Shutter Island

The Cate Blanchett Award
(Best Supporting Actress)
Helena Bohman Carter – The King’s Speech

This was another tough category to pick. Leo got the Oscar, which I could definitely see, but I went with Carter. Now that I’m trying to explain it I really can’t. There was something about her performance that was just so believable and perfect for the movie that it just feels like the right selection (a technique that I advise the Academy to employ in the future; maybe the best movies will actually win Best Picture for once).

Runners-up:
Melissa Leo – The Fighter
Marion Cotillard – Inception
Mila Kunis – Black Swan

The Vivien Leigh Memorial Award
(Best Actress)
Natalie Portman – Black Swan

Finally, being snubbed thrice for the Star
Wars prequels has been made right.

There was no one even remotely close to her performance so I’m going to take this opportunity to do a quick rant on Black Swan. I know that our main character was descending into madness, and as such, I know that there needs to be bizarre scenes to drive that point home. But leaving the theater, I couldn’t help feeling that the movie was, at times, weird for the sake of being weird. Don’t get me wrong, I liked the movie and thought it was extremely well-made, but come one, were we maybe trying a little too hard to be artsy?

Runner-up:
Hailee Steinfeld – True Grit

The Marlon Brando Memorial Award
(Best Actor)
Colin Firth – The King’s Speech

I almost gave this to Eisenberg but on the third watching of Social Network I noticed that, while he was great throughout, there wasn’t really that scene where his acting chops came out. Now, I know what you’re going to say: “What about deposition scene where he tells of the lawyer?” Last week I would have agreed with you, but this weekend I gave it that third watch and the success of that scene is predicated on the way it is shot and written. Eisenberg is great in the scene, but wasn’t carried by his performance. Now Colin Firth, on the other hand, carries much of The King’s Speech. On top of that he has an outstanding scene in Geoffrey Rush’s office which was unparalleled this year.

Runners-up
Jesse Eisenberg – Social Network
James Franco – 127 Hours
Jeff Bridges – True Grit

The Godfather Award
(Best Made Movie)
Inception

I’m going to talk more about the greatness of Inception in a second, but I’m going to use this space to rail on the Academy.

The King’s Speech? Really? In five, ten years, you’re telling me that we’re going to look back on 2010 and The King’s Speech is going to be the first movie we think of? Don’t get me wrong, The King’s Speech is a great movie with some outstanding acting performances, but there is a movie like The King’s Speech made every two or three years (wait, famous people have struggles to overcome too?). The correct choice was Inception, but with the Academy’s well-publicized stick up their butt when it comes to popular movies, I think Social Network was a more deserving winner. A unique story about an anti-social person creating the most social platform ever created. The story of the creation of the most popular website on the planet that no one knew about (I know it was based on a book but, honestly, who reads these days?). Does the Academy give any points for creativity these days?  

Runners-up:
Social Network
The King’s Speech
The Fighter
Black Swan

The Sting Award
(Favorite Movie)
Inception

This was the first addition to my Top 5 favorite movies in over 10 years. It was indescribably good and only gets better each time you watch it. What I particularly like about it is that there are two perfectly acceptable explanations (although my explanation is better) for the movie and each time you re-watch it, you find more evidence to support your theory. Once I’m done with my adventures watching Lost, look for a post from me breaking down Inception.

Runners-up:
Social Network
Kick Ass
The King’s Speech

I’ll close with my top ten favorite movies of the year:

1)    Inception
2)    Social Network
3)    Kick Ass
4)    The King’s Speech
5)    Iron Man 2
6)    The Town
7)    Book of Eli
8)    Hot Tub Time Machine
9)    Easy A
10)    Black Swan

Receiving Votes
  The Fighter
  True Grit
  Shutter Island
  Megamind
  127 Hours
  Unstoppable
  Toy Story 3
  How to Train a Dragon
  Tangled
  Karate Kid
  Red

Unranked
  Nowhere Boy
  Salt
  It’s Kind of a Funny Story
  Shrek 3
  Alice in Wonderland
 
Receiving Negative Votes
  Robin Hood
  Predators
  Splice

E-Dunc Watches Lost for the First Time: Part V

(Post 1) (Post 2) (Post 3) (Post 4)

Season 3: Episode 1 – Episode 16

I’m upset.

First off, The Others are dicks. It drives me nuts that they cannot comprehend why Jack and crew won’t just take their word for things. Well, it probably has something to do with all the lying you’re doing.

Oh, and killing Mr. Echo. REALLY?! You introduce the most badass character on television, and then kill him off without even giving him a full season. REALLY?!

I’m upset!

Confusion Rating:    5/5
So, where the hell is Michael and Walt? They left with that boat and we haven’t see them since. And a magic box that just has whatever you want in it? Um, what?

Intrigue Rating:      6/5
Did you read that last paragraph? How can you not be intrigued by what’s going on?

In-Tune Rating:    2/5
Even the in-episode predictions are starting to slip and my success rate for long-term predictions was worse than Butler’s shoot percentage in the National Championship (ok, not THAT bad, but you get the point).

Enjoyment Rating:    5/5
Despite how angry I am. I don’t know that this section can be topped in terms of enjoyment. But the theme of this post is, “How many times I’ve been wrong,” so …

Lost Rating:        18/20

Nailed It
The big twists that I nailed in this section.

The Others are not the Dharma Initiative
So, it’s still not clear who they are, but I think it’s pretty safe to say that they are NOT the Dharma Initiative. Now we just need to figure out what this “sickness” Russo was talking about is.

The Others didn’t put a pacemaker into Sawyer
I may not be a doctor but a pacemaker traditionally leaves a huge scar on your chest. Sawyer’s Matthew-McConaughey-esk chest was unmarred. Plus, I don’t think a pacemaker works the way they said it did.

Blind Sided
Things I just didn’t see coming.

Mr. Echo dies
I don’t want to talk about it. You know how upset this made me.

The Others have a town
Really? A town? Why are you even bothering Jack and crew? Oh, and they have a zoo? I’m waiting for them to reveal the amusement park.

Jack’s dad is Clare’s dad
I figured her dad wasn’t actually dead, but I had no clue that it would be Jack’s dad. The writers gave us an opportunity to get this in Ana’s flashback but, come on, anyone who says that they thought of that then is lying.

Crazy/Interesting Observations

The messages in the brainwashing video
I gave it a pause. Here’s what they say:
“Plant a good seed and you will
joyfully gather fruit.”
“Everything changes”
“We are the causes of our own suffering”
“God loves you as He loved Jacob”
“Think about”
“your life”

Shocking Cameo
Did you spot Mac from It’s Always Sunny? He’s the guard in front of the building where they are brainwashing Alex’s boyfriend.

Predictions

Juliet turns on The Others
What we learned from Juliet’s back story is that she could be the best-hearted person on the entire island, but she’s been beaten down since she arrived. I think spending time with our intrepid heroes will bring back the sweet, annoying Juliet.

Jin is not the father of Sun’s baby
If there’s no conflict between these two, they’re essentially worthless characters. But we have to keep them on the Island, because they are the only non-white people left (although allegedly Rose is still around somewhere).

Power Rankings

 

E-Dunc Watches Lost for the First Time: Part IV

(Post 1) (Post 2) (Post 3)

Season 2: Episode 15 – Episode 24

Well, just when I thought we were expanding  we immediately turned around and kill off two of the new additions. The good news? No more Michelle Rodriguez stomping around the island squinting at things. The better news? Mr. Echo is still around. So I feel like we made out in this exchange.

Confusion Rating:    5/5
Um, okay. I don’t know where to begin. So The Others are the Dharma Initiative? Or did they just run them out of town and steal their stuff? Ethan also seems like a pretty decent dude, minus the whole “going to kill Claire” thing. I literally don’t know what to think.

Intrigue Rating:      5/5
With this confusion comes near giddiness over the direction they’re going to take. And given the greatness of the beginning of Season 2, I can’t wait to see what completely random beginning we have in store for Season 3.

In-Tune Rating:    3/5
Again, doing pretty well in-episode but still the long-term predictions seem to be getting worse. I’m going to refocus here and hopefully do a better job in Season 3.

Enjoyment Rating:    4/5
I’m really enjoying this but I want to make sure I leave room for the rating to move. Plus, I’ve been told by a couple folks that Season 3 is probably the best season.

Lost Rating:        17/20

Nailed It
The big twists that I nailed in this section.

Henry was one of The Others
I know this was somewhat obvious but I’m taking victories where I can, alright. I just can’t believe that everyone fell for all his mind games. Seriously, he was messing with people’s minds in such an obvious way that I couldn’t believe they were even speaking to him.

Michael made a deal with The Others
I thought this was obvious because there is absolutely no way Michael could make it out of the jungle by himself. And there was certainly no way that it went down the way he said it did. Oh yeah, and he could be the worst liar on the island.

Blind Sided
Things I just didn’t see coming.

Dave didn’t exist
This didn’t even occur to me. I don’t know why. The amount of times I’ve seen Fight Club, you would think it was something on the forefront of my mind. But there I was at the end of Episode 18 banging my fist into my head saying, “Stupid! Stupid!”

Libby was a patient with Hurley
Another one of those things that I’m not sure I could have seen coming but this blindsided me. I like it but with Libby dead, how are they going to explain this? NOTE: I will be super pissed if they never explain how she got there/got sane.

Henry in charge of The Others
I figured that he was one of The Others but the leader? Didn’t see that coming. In retrospect it makes sense. But hindsight is 20/20.

Crazy/Interesting Observations

The numbers on Claire’s injections
Did you notice the numbers on Claire’s injections? Well, they were 4-8-15-16-23-42. Yeah, they’re everywhere.

Fall Theory Update
You remember my Fall Theory, right? Whenever someone on the Island falls down, they discover something crucial to moving the plot. Anyway, we had another sighting of it in this block: Hurley falls in the woods and finds Dave’s slipper.

Predictions

The Others want Jack, Sawyer, and Kate
I’m not sure why they want them, but my current theory is that they are the strongest on the Island and therefore have the best chance at surviving. Since that seems to be The Other’s ultimate goal, I think they see these three as being able to help them the most (although, why they wouldn’t want Sayid and Echo is beyond me).

Desmond, Locke and Echo survived the blast
There’s no way they’re killing Locke and Mr. Echo was with him when the Hatch blew, so he can’t die. Desmond is another story but the ominous “See you in another life, brother!” tells me he’s coming back.

Power Rankings

E-Dunc Watches Lost for the First Time: Part III

(Part I) (Part II)

Season 2: Episode 1 - Episode 14

I wasn’t really expecting the cast to expand this season, but here we are, back at 42. My hatch prediction couldn’t have been farther off but I’m pretty damned intrigued about the direction they’re going.

Confusion Rating:    4/5
Two things are really bothering me: the Dharma Project and The Others. I feel like I have most of the info I need to figure out what their deal is but I just can’t put it together. Everything else is still pretty straightforward.

Intrigue Rating:      5/5
I already mentioned the Dharma Project and The Others but among the other things I’m interested in are why Sawyer is trying SO hard to be hated; what’s with Locke and the baby; and where are we going with this whole Walt thing? I have no answers for all of these.

In-Tune Rating:    3/5
I’m still solid when it comes to in-episode predictions but my long-term predictions have been off … a lot. I’m going to spare myself the embarrassment of listing them all (mainly because I have a feeling I’ve embarrassed myself  enough already).

Enjoyment Rating:    4/5
Things are getting good but I’m worried about the direction of Locke and Charlie. They seem to have lost the character. It happens from time to time in shows as they try to hustle through plotlines. Hopefully they’ll settle back in in the second half.

Lost Rating:        16/20

Nailed It
The big twists that I nailed in this section.

Goodwin was one of The Others
I had this narrowed down to two (Goodwin and Nathan) and when Ana threw Nathan in the cage, I knew it was Goodwin. Kudos to the writers for making Nathan from Canada like Ethan to try to fool us.

Ana was a cop
To be fair, I was using the types of roles she played since Lost to inform this decision. What really convinced me was seeing how she held the gun. People who haven’t held guns before do stupid things like lock their elbows, or use one hand to look gangsta. She handled it like a pro. A bit of a leap of faith, I know, but I was right wasn’t I?

Sawyer was behind Sun getting taken
They did a good job of disguising this except for one large fact: it was during Sawyer’s back-story and the episode was called "The Long Con." I was a little fuzzy on the detailed but I figured Charlie helped due to the conversation they had on the beach (nailed it!). Now why he did it, is still beyond me.

Blind Sided
Things I just didn’t see coming.

Shannon dying
Don’t get me wrong, I was pretty happy about it, but another main character death? Wow, not expecting that, especially this early in the season.

The whole deal with the Hatch
Wow, so I was super wrong. To the point where I’m too embarrassed to relive my prediction. Needless to say, I was not expecting some dude living in a 1970s style bomb shelter pushing some button for some reason.

Ana killing some dude
I think my biggest flaw is assuming that the writers wouldn’t make any of their main characters too evil. Something I clearly need to stop given Sawyer, Kate, and now Ana.

Crazy/Interesting Observations

The plane must have been carrying an industrial sized order of tarps
Seriously, have you noticed the number of tarps they have on this island? Where do they get them all? I figure an international flight could have upwards of 10 tarps on it but on the show, I’m estimating there are roughly 50 tarps being employed.

Locke is also a film-restoration expert
Did it bother anyone else how easily Locke spliced the two films together? I mean, it was seamless. I’m pretty sure I couldn’t make that splice with the latest in film splicing technology and yet Locke does it with scissors and scotch tape.

Locke is the worst possible person to have push the button in a crisis
Have you noticed the amount of times he’s entered the number wrong when the world is about to end? I mean seriously, dude, how many times have you see those numbers? I guarantee it’s less than me but watch how easily I type in the correct numbers: 4-8-15-16-23-42. Come on, dude, man up!

Predictions

The Others all have “The Sickness”
Russo said she killed the members of her party because she had “The Sickness” yet we know that her husband was alive and kicking when she shot him (she tells Sayid that her husband fell for the ol’ pulled out the firing pin trick too). This leads me to believe that “The Sickness” is either some sort of mental illness or the perception thereof. I’m not sure which, but given the direction the show is taking, I’m going to say that “The Sickness” is the belief that the island is your home and you do not want to leave.

Charlie dies the end of this season or early next
His character is quickly becoming useless. Right now, he’s just being used as a patsie for Sawyer and Sayid’s plans.  That and he seems to have totally snapped. Now, this goes against every rule of television logic, I know, but Lost seems to be trying their best to break those rules. So there you have it: my boldest prediction yet.

Power Rankings

The E-Duncs: Part II

(Part I)

The John Travolta Award
(Best Performance By an Actor Thought to Be Washed Up)

Nic Cage – Kick Ass

After seeing Nic’s most recent “movies” it makes it difficult to give him a positive award, but if you saw Kick Ass, you have to admit, he was pretty damn cool. I was hoping beyond hope that this might be the beginning of a comeback of sorts. Drive Angry has convinced me otherwise.

Honorable Mention
Tom Cruise – Knight & Day

The Halle Berry Award
(Actor Who Made the Worst Career Decision of the Year)

Danny Glover sheds a tear for what will
become of the Brodster

Adrien Brody – Splice & Predators

If I haven’t been clear enough up to this point, let me spell it out for you: these two movies were BAD. I watched them back to back as a part of an Adrien Bronanza. It made me sad. From such a promising start in Angels in the Outfield to this? Such a shame.

The Christopher Walken Award
(Best Performance in an Otherwise Bad Movie)

Zack Galifianakis – It’s Kind of a Funny Story

I think this movie just tried too hard to be edgy and meaningful. It wasn’t terrible but it could have been good and just, sort of, dropped the ball. Galifianakis was quite good in it, though, and show some real serious acting chops that I didn’t think he had.

The Epic Movie Award
(Worst Screenplay)

Alice in Wonderland

Alice in Wonderland won all sorts of artistic Oscars but was in nobody’s Top Ten movie list. Translation: your movie was enjoyable only on mute. Burton’s attempt to fabricate a sequel about an older Alice went about as well as you expect. Why he didn’t just go for a modern telling of the classic tale is beyond me. But in addition to a meandering and often haphazard plotline, the dialogue was suspect and me constantly rolling my giant-3D-glasses-clad eyes.

Dishonorable Mention

Splice
Robin Hood

The Denise Richards Award
(Worst Supporting Actress)

Lyndsy Fonseca – Kick Ass

Don’t get me wrong, Kick Ass was one of my favorite movies of the year, but even I have to admit that Lyndsy’s acting was so stiff it made me consider renaming this award after her. Like the award’s namesake, Lyndsy and her absurdly spelled first name were in the movie to do only one thing: be hot. And I have to say, she knocked that one out of the park.

The Colin Farrel
(Worst Supporting Actor)

"Hello? Anybody home? Think, McFly!
Think!"

 Crispin Glover - Alice in Wonderland

My general rule is if it’s not Back to the Future and Crispin Glover is in it, it’s probably a bad movie. I was pleasantly surprised to find that wasn’t the case for Hot Tub Time Machine. But my Glover fever lasted a solid month until I saw Alice in Wonderland and he returned to appropriate level of awkward looks, confusing reads, and, well George McFly-ness. The world is back in balance.

The Sofia Coppola Award
(Worst Actress)

Sarah Polley – Splice

Merely being in Splice automatically puts you in the running for worst actress but out-stinking Brody? That locks it down. Whenever you’re actively rooting for the protagonist to die, you have to wonder if maybe the actor didn’t necessarily do a good job portraying the “hero.”

Dishonorable Mention
Mia Wasikowski – Alice in Wonderland

The Orlando Bloom Award
(Worst Actor)

Adrien Brody – Splice

I’ve ridiculed the man enough so I’m just going to say one more time that Adrien Brody should really be ashamed of himself for this year. I do want to bring up an idea that Bill Simmons and Adam Carrola came up with on Simmons’ podcast. If an actor wins an Oscar and then proceeds to make nothing but terrible movies for the next ten years, the Academy should come back and remove their Oscar, giving it to a more worthy performance. You’ll never guess what Academy Award winner sparked this idea: Nic Cage.

The E-Duncs: Part I

Worst Timing of 2010 Movie Awards


The E-Duncs


You know when's a good time to release your awards for the 2010 movie season? January. You know what is the absolute worst, most inexcusable time to release movie awards? March. I offer no excuses other than my own laziness. But I vow to make up for it with increased sarcasm and harsher criticisms. Let's get it on!

The Starship Troopers Award 
(Most Awesomely Bad Movie)

I find that I sometimes enjoy bad movies as much as I enjoy good ones. I call it my “absolute value theory.” Ask me about it sometime.

Predators

Predators strived to take the bad movie to new levels and nearly succeeded. With appearances by Topher Grace, Morpheus and Academy Award winner Adrien Brody, we had ourselves quite the enjoyable hour and a half. The problem is, I’m not sure I enjoyed it for the reasons the filmmakers wanted me to enjoy it …

The Al Neri Award
(Most Unheralded Hero)

For those of you who don’t know, Al Neri is perhaps the most important character in the Godfather who nobody has heard of. Al is the guy dressed as the cop who guns down Bazini at the end of Part I and becomes Michael’s right-hand man for the other two.

Little Blackie – True Grit 

I have to say, the character that I felt was the true hero of the movie was Little Blacky (it’s a horse you racists). I mean, this poor horse trekked all over the wilderness, crossed a neck-deep river, and gave its life to save what’s-her-face. What did Rooster do? Suck out some poison? He didn’t even save her hand.  LB was the one with true grit not Rooster.

The real hero of True Grit? Is there any doubt?

“Loser’s always whine about their best …” Award
(Best Quote)

“Great White Buffalo” – Hot Tub Time Machine

I really liked this movie and I feel like it has largely been forgotten already (more on this later). What I really like about this quote, is its utility when you want to be mysterious. “What are we doing for the bachelor party?” “Great White Buffalo.” “What, is that, like, a bar or something?” “Great White Buffalo.” “Thanks that was really helpful.” See!

The Terminator 2 Award
(Biggest Plot Hole in an Otherwise Decent Movie)

Unstoppable 

So I don’t mean to ruin this story based on an actual event, but they stop the unstoppable train (I know, false advertising). You know how they stop it? They hooked up a train, and then ran to the front of the runaway train. You know how long they took to figure that out? An hour and fifteen minutes movie time. How was that not the first thing they tried? I mean, they tried to shoot the air-breaks with riffles before they tried the most logical solution? Really?

The Kevin Costner Award
(Actor’s Who’s Stock Dropped the Most) 

Your 2003 Academy Award Winner!

Adrien Brody – Splice & Predators

Now this is going to sound absurd, but I promise you it’s 100% true. You ready? Adrien Brody won an Oscar. No, seriously! Yeah, the really bad singer from the Stella Artois commercial. He won an Oscar! Now he’s making classic films like Splice and Predators. Watch out Nic Cage, there’s someone gunning for your “No Seriously, He Won an Oscar” Title! 

The Leonardo DiCaprio Award
(Actor’s Who’s Stock Rose the Most)

Mila Kunis – Book of Eli & Black Swan

Remember That 70’s Show? I do because when unemployed it was without a doubt the best show on television before 5 p.m. Anyway, who would have bet that in 2010, Jackie would have been the most accomplished actor from that show? If you say you would, you, sir, are a liar!

It's Not Good ...
Not At All

The Core Award 

(Worst Movie of the Year) 

Splice

I don’t know where to even begin with this movie. As a master of science, the absurdity of the concept alone drove me nuts, especially the spontaneous gender switching (no, you read that correctly; animals randomly went from chicks to dudes). It wasn’t even bad enough to be properly enjoyed. It was just BAD!

Runners-up:
Predators 

Robin Hood 

The Pearl Harbor Award
(Most Disappointing Movie of the Year)

Alice in Wonderland

I have no idea why I had high hopes for this but I did. I mean, watching the trailer again it was obviously going to be bad and it was. I guess I just thought that with Johnny Depp in it it couldn’t have been too bad. How wrong I was. And we finally have an answer when somebody says, “Name one movie where Johnny Depp was not awesome!”

The China Syndrome Award
(Movie Most in Need of Christopher Walken)

Robin Hood (Sir Walter Loxley)

I thoroughly disliked this movie. It was essentially a collection of movies that have already been made (and made better) loosely set to the story of Robin Hood. And by loosely I mean clown-pants loosely (sorry, it was the best I could come up with on short notice). You know the one thing everyone remember about Robin Hood? That he robbed from the rich and gave to the poor. You know what’s the one thing Robin Hood never does in this movie? Robs from the rich and gives to the poor. It seems that Ridley thought he could have made Braveheart better, and set about doing it. What could have rescued this movie? Why, Christopher Walken of course. There’s an elder blind man who says bizarre things and guides Robin down the path towards … something. Christopher would have knocked the role out of the park and I would have had at least 20 minutes of the movie I could enjoy.