Spoiler Alert: Dexter Season Finale Predictions

So my season predictions three episodes in couldn't have been more wrong. Luckily, I'm fairly certain that no one reads this blog so no harm, no foul.

Anyway, I was going to do my final predictions three episodes before the finale but since I was so off base, I thought I should wait to the last possible minute to gain as much insight as possible. The result: I have absolutely no idea where they're going tonight. That, of course, will not stop me from venturing a guess.

I figure there are three main issues that need to be resolved: 1) what will become of Lumen? 2) how close will Deb and/or Quinn get to finding out Dexter? 3) how close will they come to pinning Liddy's death on Dexter? Let's tackle them one by one, shall we?

What will become of Lumen?

Was Lumen getting kidnapped The Omen that she won't be
back next year? Or did Dexter Save the Last Dance for her?
I know what you're thinking, silly puns are one of 10 Things
I Hate About You. Thank you, I'll be here all week! 

Dexter has gotten closer to Lumen than any other character we've seen (including Rita). In my mind, that means she has to go. In my first season breakdown, I predicted that Lumen would off herself. It was the only way I could see them getting rid of herself that hadn't really been done yet. Now I'm thinking that she's going to sacrifice herself somehow to save Dexter. Then we'll get your standard final-heartfelt-dialogue-in-each-other's-arms-while-one-dies scenes.

I suppose it's possible that she becomes a main character, but I'm not sure I see that happening. She seems to be the character that Dexter learns something from and then disappears (like the Ice Truck Killer, Lila, Miguel Prado, and Arthur -- interestingly, she would be the first not bad guy on the list).

How close will Deb and/or Quinn get to finding out Dexter?


I really think this year they're going to bring Deb right to the brink of discovery but she's not going to be able to put the pieces together. Of course, the trailer for the finale kind of makes you believe that she's actually going to find out but, come on, they do that every week.

As for Quinn, I really don't think he's going to figure out that Dexter a serial killer, but I do think he's going to have a bad feeling about Dex because of the whole Liddy thing (more on this momentarily).

I wouldn't be surprised if the season ends on a cliffhanger where Deb or Quinn have some sort of evidence against Dexter and we'll have to suffer for a year while we wait for some resolution.

How close will they come to pinning Liddy's death on Dexter?


I'm fairly confident that Quinn is going to have a very strong feeling that Dexter is the one behind Liddy's death. However, because of that whole thing with Deb, he's going to keep it to himself and say that the culprit was a drug dealer that Liddy was spying on (or some other scapegoat).

There's also a possibility of a cliffhanger here where Quinn recovers something from Liddy's hard drive (probably the video of Lumen practicing stabbing -- yes, that was as funny to type as it was to read) and he closes his laptop as Deb walks in and asks him what he was working on. He naturally will say, "Nothing," and we'll get a close-up on his face as we fad to black.

You all owe me $50 if it unfolds like that.

Now that I've written all that, it will be interesting to see how it actually unfolds since I have absolutely no confidence in any of that.

(Note to self: Delete last paragraph if it turns out I was right. Replace with strong statement of confidence and declare self "smartest person to ever grace the blogosphere.")

The E-Dunc Playoff System (EPS)

The current college football postseason appears to have been thought up by a bunch ignorant fools who have never played a down of football in their lives. Being an ignorant fool who has never played a down of football in my life, I too am apparently qualified to make up a college football postseason. So I did. Without further ado, I present the E-Dunc Playoff System or EPS:

Format: 16 teams, 4 weeks, 1 undisputed champ

Seeding

The champion of each of the 11 conferences automatically qualify. The next five highest seeded teams in the BCS rankings are awarded at-large bids. Seeding for the Top 8 follows the BCS rankings regardless of whether or not a team won it's conference. The lower 8 seeds follow the BCS rankings but can be manipulated to avoided conference match-ups in the first round if possible (note: they do this for March Madness).

Venues:
First Round
The Top 8 seeds are given home games.

Second Round
Three of the four games will be played at neutral sites. The fourth will be played at the major bowl (Rose, Fiesta, Orange, Sugar) to hold the National Title game the year before (ex: last year the Rose Bowl hosted the national title game, so they would host the second round game)

Final Four
The two major bowls not hosting the title game this year or the year before.

National Title Game
Rotating yearly among the four major bowls.

Schedule
First Round
Third week of December (except for when Christmas is on a Wednesday or Thursday). One primetime game on Wednesday and Thursday, and the other six games on Saturday (noon, 12:30, 3:30, 4, 7 and 10).

Second Round
 Most years, one primetime game the follow Thursday and three games on Saturday. When Christmas is on a Monday, two games on Saturday, two games on Christmas Day. When Christmas is on a Tuesday, two games on Saturday, one game in primetime on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day.

Final Four
New Year's Day.

National Title Game
First Monday or Tuesday a full week after New Year's Day

Following this format, we get this bracket for the 2010 college football postseason:

Automatic Qualifiers
Auburn - SEC Champs, #1 seed
Oregon - Pac10 Champs, #2 seed
TCU - Mountain West Champs, #3 seed
Wisconsin - Big Ten Champs, #5 seed
Oklahoma - Big 12 Champs, #7 seed
Virginia Tech - ACC Champs, #11 seed
Nevada - WAC Champs, #12 seed
UConn - Big East Champs, #13 seed
UCF - CUSA "Champs," #14 seed
Miami (OH) - MAC "Champs," #15 seed
FIU - Sun Belt "Champs," #16 seed

At-Large
Stanford - Pac10, #4 seed
Ohio St. - Big 10, #6 seed
Arkansas - SEC, #8 seed
Michigan St. - Big 10, #9 seed
LSU - SEC, #10 seed

To be fair, though, I spent a good 20 minutes coming up with this system, I'm sure the BCS doesn't have that kind of time to just throw around.

E-Dunc Defends Derek Jeter

I hate the Yankees.

More accurately, I hate what they're abuse of a broken system has done to baseball. Don't get me wrong, there isn't a season that goes by that I don't wish the Braves will spend like the Yankees and do whatever it takes to win a World Series, but that doesn't make it right. The Yankees have created a cash generating machine and rather than using it to maximize their profits, they use it to outbid every team on any player they desire regardless of the player's actual worth. Admirable if your a Yankees fan; disgusting if you're not.

I'm not writing this post to debate whether or not the Yankees are slowly destroying half the teams in the league (they are, but again, that's for another day). I'm writing to do something I never thought I would do: come to the aid of Derek Jeter.

There's no one I would like to
see fail more than Derek Jeter.
Well, maybe Tom Brady.

Jeter is the face of one of my most personally hated franchises. Jeter was just a snot-nosed punk in 1996 when he led the Yankees back from an 0-2 deficit in the World Series to beat my Braves. Jeter and the Yankees would win three of the next four World Series (including another one against the Bravos in '99), stealing the "Team of the '90s" moniker from the Braves in the process. So believe me when I tell you that I would like nothing more than to see the Yankees alienate their fans and the clubhouse so they can spend more money on another high profile starting pitcher (because that has been working for them in the past!).

Jeter has become the most beloved Yankee since Mickey Mantle and has done more to restore the mighty aura of the Yankees than anyone else. To be fair, Jeter wasn't doing this for cheap. He was handsomely rewarded the past ten years, getting paid a staggering $189 million. With his contract expiring at the end of the year, most felt it was going to be a simple matter for the Yankees to resign their captain, especially given all they've been through. But as the off-season began, the front office began rumblings that Jeter would have to be realistic in his demands.

Despite winning a Gold Glove (which was absolutely ridiculous, by the way), Jeter had his worst year of his career in 2010 batting .270 with a pedestrian .340 OBP. There's no question that he's lost a step and that he probably lacks the range to be a top tier shortstop any more.

Reportedly, Jeter is looking for $20 million a year for four to six years. The Yankees, have drawn the line at $15 million a year for three years. I'm not going to argue that Jeter's numbers support $15 million a year let alone $20 million but let's take a step back and look at what we're talking about: This is the Yankees! Since when is money an issue?


This is the same team that signed AJ Burnett for $82.5 million when the next closest bid was $50 million. Even coming off an impressive season in Toronto (one in which he dominated the Yankees and Red Sox) most experts felt that this was a dramatic overbid, especially for someone who, at the time, was going to be their number three or four starter. The Yankees didn't care about the cost, though. They motto has always been, "you can't put a price on a championship."

This is why I refuse to believe this is about money. So what is it then? Production?

Jeter's numbers this year certainly weren't up to his lofty standards, but his .270 batting average was sixth among shortstops with 500 or more ABs, (Jeter, incidentally, had 663 of those, 30 more than the next closest shortstop). In addition to ABs, he led all shortstops in hits and runs and was Top 10 in doubles, RBI, walks, total bases and stolen bases. He's clearly still producing which makes the Yankees' line in the sand even more confusing.

Offer your captain $18 million for four years with a mutual option for a fifth and this thing gets done, Yanks. If he continues to diminish the next two or three years he'll retire as one of the most beloved Yankees and professional athletes of all time. Surely you've spent money on worse things (see: AJ Burnett, Kevin Brown, Carl Pavano, Randy Johnson, Gary Sheffield, Javy Vazquez, Jason Giambi)?

I respect Derek Jeter. Why don't the Yankees?

E-Dunc Misery Watch: Day 3,970

With the Bills playing a game in Cincinnati, I had penciled in Sunday as the perfect time for a running diary of a Bills game so you could feel the endless joy of watching a game with me. Of course, the stupid Bengals fans couldn't sell out their little stadium (the 6-10 Bills averaged more than the capacity of Paul Brown Stadium for home games last year, so don't bitch about your team sucking Bengals fans!).

Now this didn't stop me from watching the game (with a little help from a very generous Bills fan in South Carolina) and writing the diary anyway. The only thing you need to know about the place I watched the game is there's a chat room along the side for those watching. With that, here you go ...

First Quarter
15:00 
We have the unbelievable good fortune of having Gus Johnson calling the game. Regardless of the outcome, I consider my day made.

A quick shot to the sideline shows Chan Gailey (the Bills head coach, for those non-fans out there) without his standard reading glasses. The reason, suggests one of the people in the chat room, is because he "doesn't want to see our D." Ah, the eternal optimism of Bills fans.

14:25
Gus Johnson tells us that the linebacking corp is "much improved" from earlier in the year. Translation: they went from offensively terrible to just bad.

13:03
As if to illustrate this point, Carson Palmer, who at this point has the mobility of a hippo carrying a grand piano, runs for 10 yards without being touched.

12:01
The phrases "big hit" and "Chris Kelsay" are used in the same sentence for the first time in his eight year career. Gus isn't even being sarcastic! Clearly, he's earned that $24 million extension.

8:07; 7-0 Bengals
Bengals score easily on a toss to Ochocinco who finds a Mexican flag inexplicably draped over the back wall and pats it as Gus Johnson yells out "Estaban!" I'm confused.

8:00; 7-0 Bengals

Who could stay mad at those
pythons?

Leodis McKelvin gets back into his old form with a nice 33 yard return.

Never mind, there was a block in the back. I would have a hard time taking this news if it wasn't being delivered by Ed Hochuli. He gets a great deal of grief these days but I can't stay mad at someone who has such carefully sculpted guns.

7:30; 7-0 Bengals
Gus Johnson tells us that Ryan Fitzpatrick is making his eagerly anticipated return to Cincinnati. I find that funny because just about any Bengals fan you talk to thinks Fitzy isn't worth a six-pack of Natty Ice.

7:15; 7-0 Bengals
In an effort to prove their point, Fitzy throws a terrible pick.

Fortunately, Demetrius Bell, an illegitimate son of Karl Malone (I never tire of that fact), got absolutely smoked on the play. Why fortunate? Well, he let a Bengals through who was stupid enough to slap Fitzy in the head after the pass drawing an automatic roughing the passer.

6:28; 7-0 Bengals
Given a second chance, the line immediately gives up a sack. On the replay we see four linemen standing at the line of scrimmage looking back as three Bengals slam Fitzy to the ground. Ladies and gentleman your 2010 Buffalo Bills!

5:12; 7-0 Bengals
As the offense sputters along, Freddie Jackson finally breaks a 12 yard run. Oh, never mind, holding on our right tackle, a free agent rookie who's filling in for our injured starter, a free agent rookie. That's alright though, it's not like you need a good offensive line to succeed in the NFL.

4:02; 7-0 Bengals
Fitzy connects with Stevie Johnson for a nice 36 yard slant and run. Gus shifts into third gear for the first time. No matter how many times you hear him, the first time he gets into the upper gears, it's always a treat.

3:32; 7-0 Bengals
Freddie busts out another solid run and Steve Tasker tells us: "Fred Jackson is like watching someone pour a glass of water." ... Um, what?

2:45; 7-0 Bengals
In what I'm calling the most hysterical example of statistics being misleading, we learn that the Bills are the most efficient red zone offense in the league. Of course, we get there less than anyone in the league, but boy those times that we do ... !

2:04; 7-7 
Freddie trots into the end zone. He was almost tackled by our tight end but otherwise he was completely untouched. I'm beginning to think that there won't be a defensive stop in this whole game.

0:50; 7-7
Gus tosses it to "Jumpin' Jimmy Brown" for our first game break. A startled Brown gets through the update and then tosses it back to "Mr. Excitable." I normally hate that kind of stuff but that was a delightful exchange.

0:27; 7-7
A familiar site as Leodis McKelvin gets smoked down the sideline. Unfortunately, this went to T.O. who has decided to actually try this season; probably just to upset me personally.

Second Quarter
15:00; 7-7
The chat has spent the entire break between quarters talking about how hot the women on the commercials were. Needless to say, Bills fans don't exactly have a vested interest in the season.

14:10; 14-7 Bengals
Carson throws a dime to TO for a TD. This launches a discussion in the chat room about TO. 99% of the room feels that he's extremely talented but no team he plays on can win. One guy feels like he's the greatest football player of all time. He'd be shouted down if not for the fact that he's the one broadcasting the game.

14:05; 14-7 Bengals
Leodis McKelvin with another decent return. I just realized that CJ Spiller isn't playing in this game. That tells you how big an impact the #9 pick is having this season.

13:17; 14-7 Bengals
Fitzy throws another bad pick. This one sticks as Gus shifts into fourth. I have a hard time being too down with Gus going nuts. It's one of the reason I look forward to him calling games involving my teams.

10:59; 21-7 Bengals
Cedric Benson walks into the end zone from the 1 without being touched. Another solid defensive effort by the Bills.

10:17; 21-7 Bengals
Despite only being down two possessions, we've apparently decided to abandon the run. Went five receivers first two downs to start the drive.

10:10; 28-7 Bengals
Pick-six. Yeah, good decision throwing the ball. At this point, Fitzy has three completions and two INTs. Awesome.

Fantasy Side Note: At this exact moment I check my fantasy roster and see Maurice Jones-Drew has 16 yards rushing and threw an INT. What?! Why do the football gods hate me?

(Back to Present Tense for a Second:  I seriously considered stopping the diary here and save it for the Depression Bowl versus the Browns. I decided to move on and I'm glad I did).

10:05; 28-7 Bengals
We follow up that outstanding possession by forming an illegal wedge on the kickoff. Well, at least we're trying, right?

9:30; 28-7 Bengals
Fitzy throws a bomb to Lee Evans for 54 yards. My first reaction? "Sweet, that 5.4 fantasy points!" Bills football, feel the excitement!

4:22; 28-7 Bengals
Normally reliable Rian Lindell continues his terrible year by missing a routine 32 yarder. This could be the saddest sub-plot of the year. Most people had pretty low expectations for the year but nobody foresaw Lindell's completely falling apart. Apart from Moorman, he's been our most reliable and beloved player for the last eight to nine years.

2:38; 28-7 Bengals
Let's check in for the first time with the Bills always cynical beat writer Sal Maiorana:

"Here's the thing - The Bengals blow. They are a dumb team, yet they're up 28-7. Further proof of how far away the Bills are from competence."

Cheerful as always, thanks Sal.

1:17; 28-14 Bengals
Bills score on a receiver screen to little used Donald Jones for the touchdown. Lindell follows this up by booting the kickoff out of bounds in the air. Now I've seen balls bounce out of bounds on a kickoff but I've NEVER seen one land on the sideline in NFL. Just unacceptable.

0:36; 28-14 Bengals
Carson connects with rookie Jordan Shipley for 37 yards. I'll tell you what, that kid is something and if Carson Palmer were still alive he would be hitting him on slants like the day is long (thank you, that joke is an homage to Bill Simmons).

0:15; 28-14 Bengals
Carson throws one of the worst fade routes I've ever seen but gets bailed out on an equally bad pass interference call. That ball was so high that TO didn't even try to catch it ... hm wait, that's not a really a give away with TO. Wait, I can do better. That ball was so far over TO's giant head that it almost reached the top of his ego. Swish!

0:05; 28-14 Bengals
We just stopped them up the middle with nine seconds left and it looks like they're going to go for it again. Dicks!

0:01; 31-14 Bengals
We stop them again but they inexplicably put more time on the clock. They couldn't score from the 1 against the Bills, for that reason alone I think they should have to give up the ball. Instead they kick the gimmie and head to the locker with the sizable lead. Several folks in the chat are calling it a day.

Third Quarter
14:12; 31-14 Bengals
Our only good offensive lineman, Eric Wood, is down with a leg injury, which is what ended his season last year. I can't wait to see what rookie free agent takes his place!

10:43; 31-21 Bengals

It's good to see someone bringing
originality back to the end zone
celebration. The Joker is in the house!

Fitzy connects with his man Stevie for a gorgeous TD pass causing Gus Johnson to shift into fifth gear. After the TD he walks up to camera in the end zone and reveals a hand written message on his shirt that says: "Why so serious?" Gus Johnson breaks out the patented Gus Johnson laugh for that one and as we head to commercial he pronounces, "The Joker is in the house!" We need to make that nickname stick. In fact, I'm calling him that from now on.

9:45; 31-28 Bengals
My feed goes down at the worst possible time and I miss the fumble six. Apparently, Benson fumbled and Drayton Florence returned it to the house. Here's when I start getting nervous text messages from Bengals fans.

5:49; 31-28 Bengals
TO drops a pass that any high school receiver would make. THAT'S the TO we knew in Buffalo!

5:15; 31-28 Bengals
TO makes an unbelievable catch as Gus Johnson goes nuclear. Luckily, it was called back from holding. Nonetheless, I feel like he did that to shove it in Bills fans' faces that when he tries, he's good.

3:00; 31-28 Bengals
George Wilson makes a HUGE pick in the end zone as Carson Palmer looks like he's auditioning for an extra part on Walking Dead (Note to Self: refer to Carson as "Zombie Palmer" for the rest of the diary).

0:35; 31-28 Bengals
Freddie Jackson is lying on the sideline in pain. With Spiller out, we have absolutely no other running back on our team that would even make anyone else's practice squad. I find this ironic because not two months ago, we had three Pro Bowl caliber runners. Now we may have none.

Fourth Quarter
15:00; 31-28 Bengals
Someone I've never heard of gets the first down on 3rd and 1. Thankfully the Bengals D almost sucks as much as ours.

14:19; 31-28 Bengals
Freddie is back in. Bills fans everywhere breath a huge sigh of relief.

14:13; 35-31 Bills
Fitzy finds the Joker on an absolutely perfect pass in the corner of the end zone. Bills take the lead. Wow! Let's go to the Bills beat writer for analysis:

"If the Bengals lose, Marvin Lewis should be fired before he even addresses the media. I called Bills deplorable earlier - Bengals way worse."

Thanks Sal!

14:00; 35-31 Bills
Zombie Palmer throws a bomb to TO. Gus is nearing fifth gear when the pass falls harmlessly out of bounds.

13:11; 35-31 Bills
Zombie Palmer keeps looking at only TO and Shipley while Ochocinco is wide open on the other side of the field. Reminds me a lot of Trent Edwards completely ignoring Lee Evans the last two years.

13:05; 35-31 Bills
I get text messages from two different Bengals fans saying "only the Bengals could blow this." Really? You just sent that to a Bills fan? Do we need to put your bad losses next each other?

Look, the only thing we Bills fans have to hold on to is that we are the most tortured franchise in the NFL. We can respect the Browns and Vikings making claims but no one else is allow to say that to us.

11:36; 42-31 Bills
The Joker is inexplicable open in the back of the end zone for another TD. I've yet to mention that the Bengals have lost their two starting safeties and two corners (not sure where they stand on the depth chart). I really think that's why Fitzy looks like Jim Kelly all of a sudden (sure I could have gone with a better quarterback there to really drive home the point, but it's my blog and I wanted to use a Bill, what's it to you?).

An exciting Steve Tasker proclaims: "The Buffalo Bills are exploding all over the Bengals." Um ... eww.

Let's go back to Sal for some more analysis:

"The Bengals are a tire fire."

Thanks, Sal!

8:45; 42-31 Bills
The chat room has started getting cocky and my Bills Sense starts tingling. For those of you who don't know, the Bills Sense is what alerts seasoned Bills fans to impending doom. Some sure signs include the Bills making an improbable comeback and lesser Bills fans being cocky. This one's a double whammy.

7:01; 42-31 Bills
TO makes another timely drop. I'm so happy.

6:40; 42-31 Bills
TO makes another good catch. He really needs to stop toying with my emotions like that.

5:33; 42-31 Bills
Donte Whitner (who has received a lot of unfair criticism from Bills fans if you ask me) absolutely lights up Shipley and does so legally. All you folks calling this a "flag football" league, look at this hit and you'll see that changing technique doesn't eliminate big hits.

Incidentally, Zombie Palmer missed a wide-open Ochocinco once again.

5:28; 42-31 Bills
The Bengals opt to send their kicker, making his first NFL appearance, out to kick a 45 yard field goal. Granted, this is a field goal that any kicker in the NFL should make but down 11, I really think you have to go for it here.

Predictably, he misses.

2:50; 42-31 Bills
Brian Moorman makes his first appearance of the game. Personally, I pity those in the stadium. They only got to witness his greatness once. Granted, he kicked it into the end zone but it was a glorious kick nonetheless.

2:30; 42-31 Bills
Zombie Palmer is concerned he's going to miss his dinner reservations and throws a game-ending pick to speed things up.

1:52; 49-31 Bills
The Bills score our first Eff-You Touchdown (Trademark: Bill Simmons) in roughly 30 years as Freddie trots into the end zone on a routine off-tackle. The Bengals have clearly packed it in.

And that was it. The hammer never fell. I'm in shock. This is normally the type of game we make close, only to blow in the most dramatic way. It's nice being on this side of it once. But let's go to Sal one last time for some final analysis:

"We all would have enjoyed watching Andrew Luck in a Bills uniform for the next 15 years. Way to screw that up too Bills."

Oh that's right, we're not allowed to be happy ...

First Ever E-Dunc Power Rankings

These days, there seem to be power rankings for everything: the NFL, preseason basketball, Mad Men characters, you name it. But I felt there a severe lack of Power Rankings for life. Therefore, I humbly submit for your approval the first ever E-Dunc Power Rankings:

#25 -- Mongolian BBQ
This is literally the greatest invention to come out of the far east since gunpowder (and slightly less destructive). For those of you who have never been, there's two buffet-style counters where you select your noodles, then throw whatever toppings you want on them and then take it to a large stone grill where they cook it right in front of you. If you don't like your food, you have no one to blame but yourself. For those of you in Cincy, there's one in Mason. Stop reading this now and go. No seriously, go now!

#24 -- Dr. Henry Killinger (from Venture Brothers)
A good friend recently introduced me to the Venture Brothers and my life-arc has been on a steady increase ever since. The show thrives on the random reference (my specialty) and none isn't a better example than basing a villain on the former Secretary of State under Nixon, Henry Kissinger. Add in a pun in his name and we're golden. It's like they wrote the character specifically for me!

#23 -- The Blue Blob (Xavier's mascot)
On Friday, I was at the season opener for my beloved Xavier Musketeers (the best basketball program the last ten years in the midwest -- I got stats to back it up, refute me IU and UK fans, I dare you). Anyway, a Western Michigan fan (I know, I was shocked they existed too) tapped me on the shoulder and asked me "what the hell is that blue thing?" I chuckled to myself and explained the legend of the Blue Blob finishing with, "basically, we have two mascots which seems like a lot until you realize the Reds have like 12."

#22 -- Christopher Walken
So he hasn't done much lately, but much like Florida, it's going to take a lot more than a prolonged period of irrelevance for Mr. Walken to get booted out of the Top 25.

#21 -- Mint Berry Crunch (from South Park)
The best part of the recent South Park trilogy (quickly becoming an annual tradition that I am completed on board with), Mint Berry Crunch could be the most hilarious concept for a superhero that I have ever heard of outside of Green Lantern. I mean, a character who's weakness is yellow? What a great way to mock actual superheroes. What? Green Lantern is a real superhero? Hm.

#20 -- Don Draper
A perennial Top 10 finisher, Don had a rough year, falling apart in the last episode where he got engaged to his secretary without completely destroying her emotionally first. What happened to the Don Draper that left bodies in his wake every time he opened his mouth? That's the Don Draper that made it to the big time and that's the Don Draper we want to see again.

#19 -- Dan Gilbert (owner of the Cleveland Cavs)
I'm still riding high on him after he released this letter the night LeBron James took his ego to South Beach. A lot of commentators said that it was petty and players would be wary of him in the future, but it wasn't for them. It was for the fans and every Cavs fan I talked to absolutely loved it. Oh, and act like if you were the owner of the Cavs you wouldn't have felt exactly what he said in the letter. He just had the balls to say it publicly. Much respect to him.

#18 -- Gus Johnson
Without a doubt the greatest announcer to ever live period. One recent GJ moment I'd like to share with you to perfectly encapsulate the man, the myth, the legend. Gus called the Bills-KC game which instantly made it the best Sunday of the year thus far for me. On one play in the fourth quarter, we threw a screen pass to CJ Spiller for a gain of 4. Pretty mundane in the eyes of most people ... except Gus Johnson! GJ raised his voice an octave and started screaming as Spiller crossed the line of scrimmage. Most announcers would have backed off when they realized that the play wasn't going anywhere. Not GJ. He sold it with a, "And Spiller SHIMMIES his way for a gain of FOUR!" (Side note: want to make a basketball game more exciting? Mute the TV and use the Gus Johnson soundboard to announce the game).

#17 -- ESPNU College Town
I'm a big fan of the Sim City franchise and this Facebook game is pretty close. It's pretty fun and you all should play! (Ok, so I need to have "friends" to get some more space for my university, District 5 -- yes that is a Mighty Ducks reference, thanks for noticing -- and this is a subtle way to try to recruit some "friends" without sending out those annoying Facebook invitations).

#16 -- Aaron Sorkin
Probably my favorite writer in recent memory, his script for Social Network was outstanding. Combine that with a great appearance on Entourage and you have yourself an appearance in the Top 25.








#15 -- Stanley (from The Office)
After a rough season last year, The Office seems to be back on track this year, highlighted by this cold opening, one of the best in recent memory, utilizing a terrific secondary character.

#14 -- Jon Stewart
Always a big fan of America's favorite fake newsman, Stewart took a big step up in the rankings with his Rally to Restore Sanity. While it may not have been the life-changing affair that some may have erroneously expected it to be, Stewart did a good job of getting his point across: instead of trying find the difference between people, we should try to find the common ground. It's the only way we can get things done.

#13 -- Guy Germaine (from The Mighty Ducks)
Statistically, Germaine was the second best player on the Ducks (behind the showboating, cake-eating Banksy). Yet poor Guy is one of the most unheralded players on the team. Averman gets more credit; Averman! He blows! Yet time after time, Averman is taking the face-off while Guy watches from the bench. I'll also point out, that Guy is the only one to get a girl in all three movies. Take that Charlie!

#12 -- Johnny Depp
I'm a big fan of Mr. Depp's and his latest movie (The Tourist) looks pretty solid and he looks tremendous in the trailer. Depp is best known for playing very bizarre characters but he's shown that he can play it straight in movies like Public Enemies and Chocolat (not that I've seen that chick-flick, because I haven't, I mean, I only watch awesome guy movies with explosions and gratuitous nudity and -- alright, I have seen it. Excuse me while I go watch The Rock 12 times in a row).

#11 -- Stephen Colbert
I watch the Colbert Report on a daily basis so Colbert was always safe for the Top 25 but he vaults up to 11 thanks to this performance of All I Have to Do is Dream with Elvis Costello.

The Colbert Report	Mon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c
Exclusive - Elvis Costello - All I Have to Do Is Dream
www.colbertnation.com
Colbert Report Full Episodes 2010 Election March to Keep Fear Alive

#10 -- Sean Connery
I recently watched The Rock. That should be enough to justify this ranking.

#9 -- Randy Marsh (from South Park)
Often under appreciated, Randy Marsh is the glue that keeps South Park together. His most recent contribution was during the Inception-mock where he went into the dream to save Stan and wound up being a butterfly looking to score some "butterfly poon." Classic Randy Marsh.

#8 -- Staff Sgt. Eric Johnson
Staff Sgt. Johnson set the world record for fastest mile while in a bomb suit. He ran a mile in the 80 pound suit in 8 minutes, 42 seconds. Let that sink in for a minute.

Personally, I'm pumped when I get in an 8 minute, 30 second mile and I run naked (just kidding, I'm not allowed to run naked any more).


#7 -- Yoshima Battles the Pink Robots, Part I
I recently bought Rock Band III and have enjoyed the hell out of playing some classic ditties like Radar Love, Warewolves of London, Bohemian Rhapsody and this catchy little number by the Flaming Lips:

#6 -- Bill Simmons
I've been a fan of the Sports Guy for quite some time but what gets him in the Top 10 is putting the Bills in not-last-place in his most recent power rankings. A remarkable feat for a fan of a bitter divisional foe especially when the Bills are the only winless team in the NFL. Simmons correctly identified that the Bills are playing better than a lot of teams and for that reason, he receives the tremendous honor of being in the very first Top 10. Congratulations Bill Simmons!

#5 -- San Francisco Giants
You may be thinking that they earned this ranking for winning the World Series. Well, yes and no. Mostly no. What earned them the 5 spot was that they took time from celebrating their advancing to the NLCS after defeating the Braves to honor Bobby Cox. Arguably the classiest thing done on a baseball field since the Yankees let the Marlins win the World Series in 2003.

#4 -- Cameron (from Modern Family)
On one of the funniest shows on television, Cam is by far the best character. Everyone loves big, gay characters and they don't come any bigger or gayer than Cameron. Interesting side note, the actor who plays Cameron (Eric Stonestreet) is not gay but the actor who plays Mitchell (Jesse Tyler Ferguson) is. I would have never guessed that and it shows how good an actor both guys are.

#3 -- Troy & Abed (from Community)
The best duo on television, Troy and Abed have the best on screen chemistry I have seen since Turk and JD in their prime. Another interesting side note, Troy (Donald Glover) got his start as a writer on the Daily Show. See, this blog is entertaining and educational!

#2 -- Brian Moorman
The best player on the worst team (record-wise) is the punter. Go figure. I've already briefed you on his greatness so let me throw some other informational tidbits your way. He was an All American in hurdles at Pittsburgh St. He was the punter on the All Decade team for the NFL. He has eight career tackles and two career TD passes with a career passer rating of 117.9. On the most recent radio broadcast, he had the most player endorsements during commercials (three). Basically, he's way awesome.

#1 -- Bobby Cox
The only manager I have ever known, Bobby Cox is the definition of class and baseball knowledge. I don't know what I'll do without old Number 6 leaning against the railing of the dugout steps. The Braves appear to be in good shape heading into next year, but it just won't be the same without Bobby.

E-Dunc Misery Watch: Day 3,950

Half way through the season, and I thought I'd give a shot at breaking down the worst season in Bills history. But first, my thoughts on the Shawne Merriman signing.

Is it worth $1.73 million to
make sure Tila Techila doesn't
set foot in Buffalo? I say yes!

Outside of ensuring that Tila Techila will be staying out of Buffalo for at least four months (a HUGE plus), this is a fairly confusing signing. This is Merriman's final year on his contract so essentially, all we are doing is renting him for the rest of the year, something that's normally reserved for teams looking for a playoff push. My guess is this is a move by a general manager to prove to a very disgruntled fan base that the franchise is in fact trying to win games (despite evidence to the contrary). At the end of the day, the Bills were going to win a game either way so this doesn't really accomplish anything unless we somehow manage to sign him to a long-term deal (which I put somewhere between impossible and Sarah Palin becoming president).

Anyway, let's get to the breakdown of the season using the best Western of all time.

The Good


Ryan Fitzpatrick
Now let me be clear. Ryan Fitzpatrick is not good enough to lead a team to a playoff victory. He's just not. He can win you between six and nine games a year but he seems to have a problem coming through with the game on the line (see: the KC game last weekend).

Having said that, I'm excited that it doesn't look like we're going to have to start our rookie QB next year. Fitzpatrick can play Kitna to our rookie's Carson Palmer (side-note, Fitzy has a similar skill set to Andrew Luck so I think he would make a good caddie for him).

2011 NFL Draft
This upcoming draft class seems to be deep at the positions we need (most notably quarterback) so if ever it was a good year to have the #1 overall pick, it's looking like 2011 is that year.

The greatest Bills player of the last 15
years? Our punter! Bills Football: Feel
the Excitement!

Brian Moorman
Moorman continues to be the lone bright spot in the utter darkness of Bills fandom. There are two reasons Bills fans get excited when the punt team is on the field: we don't have to watch our offense any more, and we get to see Brian Moorman's golden right boot kick the ball 90 yards.

The Bad


The Offense
After simply an abismal start, the offense has actually looked pretty decent the last two games. The reason it stays in the "Bad" section is because we simply don't have the horses to run the offense that Gailey wants to run. Spiller is coming along, but just isn't an asset yet (not to say he won't be). Jackson continues to play well but behind this offensive line, Barry Sanders would only look like a Pro Bowl running back instead of an Alltime Great.

The Secondary
The best unit on our defense (note that it's still in the "Bad" section, that should tell you something), the failed-wide-receiver corp still has a problem with catching the ball. Normally not something you worry about from the secondary, but with a defense this bad, you need turnovers to get them off the field as quickly as possible. The problem is, we have so many other dire problems that I don't see this being fixed any time soon.

Guards
Eric Wood and Adam Levitre are both passable NFL guards, which is the best compliment you can pay anyone on the worst offensive line in the NFL. Special kudos to Woods who is in his second year and continues to improve.

The Ugly


Offensive Tackles
There really isn't much to say. They're terrible. Awful. The worst I've ever seen and we've had a ton of bad tackles in Buffalo in the past. Maybe in the future we should steer clear of illegitimate children of NBA Hall of Famers who couldn't win titles in their sport either.

Run Defense
I could be the slowest, least athletic person who has ever attempted to play football. Ok, that might be an exaggeration, but I'm certainly in the bottom five. Anyway, I am confident that I could rush for 20 yards behind an average offensive line against the Bills.

By the way, it took me a while to figure how to adequately describe how terrible this defense is. I went with the ridiculous statement over an unbelievably complicated metaphor based loosely on the plot of Inception.

"What do you think, AJ Green? I
mean, he's an exciting playmaker!
We can't have too many of them,
right?"

Front Office
The team the Brain Trust threw out onto the field at the beginning of the year is nothing short of pathetic. The in-season moves have been just as bad, letting Trent Edwards go for absolutely nothing and allegedly jumping on the first serious offer for Marshawn Lynch without shopping him around. While I'm pumped for all these early draft picks, I'm terrified at what these bozos are going to do with them.

Spoiler Alert: Dexter Season 5

How does Dexter handle being a single
parent? By getting a serious of breaks
to go his way!

Coming off easily the best season of Dexter ever, it's understandable that this season has been somewhat of a letdown. The first three episodes, the writers were clearly scrambling to get Dexter back to what he does best. They settled on sending the kids to Orlando to live with their grandparents (which, personally, I thought was a huge cop-out) and we haven't really heard from them since. Then Dexter finds a babysitter that apparently has nothing else to do all day than watch little Harrison (how exactly does he afford stuff like this as a blood analyst? The plastic sheets and killing outfits alone should bankrupt him). Which leads us to the main plot lines this year. Stop me if you've heard them before:

(1) There's a killer loose in Miami that's beheading people and then leaving the bodies in very interesting and specific positions.

(2) Dexter's true self was revealed to someone and now she's off trying to do what he does.

(3) One of the detectives in homicide has serious suspicions about Dexter and is obsessed with catching him.

Not ringing any bells? Let me help you out: (1) every season; (2) Season 3; (3) Season 2.

So in a sense what we have here is a greatest hits of Dexter plot lines, which isn't necessarily a bad thing but makes me skeptical for the rest of the episodes.

Season Predictions

Dexter may have a serious problem on
his hands by letting Miguel Prado, I
mean Lumen Ann Pierce, see his true
self.

(1) The hispanic uniform cop working with Debra is actually behind or intimately involved with the beheadings. This is the type of twist that we always see from Dexter and with her character appearing so abruptly, it makes me all the more suspicious. Either that, or they'll use her as a red herring.

(2) Lumen (Julia Stiles) will kill herself. They won't have her go off the deep end like Miguel Prado (Jimmy Smits) because, come on, how lazy would that be? This leaves us with three options: heading back home, getting caught, and offing herself. Having her simply heading home would be a huge letdown (especially since they just tried to fake us out with that last episode) and getting caught is out of the question because she would more than likely rat out Dexter. This leaves me with the suicide option and given how fragile he current mental state is, it seems like the most likely option.

(3) Quinn will finally get to Jonah and he'll protect Dexter. This won't put an end to Quinn's suspicions but that's as far as we'll get this season. As far as I know, this isn't the last season of Dexter so I don't think we're in any danger of Dexter getting caught.

Defending the Mad Men Finale

I've been hearing a lot of negativity towards the Mad Men season finale so I thought I would come to the defense of poor Matt Weiner (he only has a couple million a year to console himself, folks, leave the man alone).

Granted, the season finale wasn't anywhere near as good as last year's epic finale, but don't you think we were all asking a lot of Weiner to live up to that lofty standard? After all, Seasons 1 & 2 didn't exactly have phenomenal endings either (do you actually remember them? I had to look them up).

A kinder, gentler, more family-friendly
Don Draper? No thanks. We want
emotionally-abusive, brash, mildly-
alcoholic Don Draper please!

I think the problem everyone is having is Don Draper is at his best when he's a miserable wiseass who takes pleasure it telling people off. In the finale, though, he's a jovial family man who, in the end, did what was best for his family (translation: boring television). Many people I've talked to are concerned that that is the direction they're going to take Don's character but I would suggest otherwise. Mad Men thrives on downward spirals. Thinks about it, Don is in one every year. The problem is, Don also bottoms out near the end of each year, so Weiner has to find a way to bring him back up. Last year, it was the new firm. This year it's a new wife.

The important thing, Mad Men fans, is that early in the next season, Don's new marriage will start falling apart at the seams and he'll be back to verbally bitch-slapping people by episode two. Mark my words. Remember what Doctor Lady said in the finale: "You only like the beginning of things, Don."

You Just ... Don't Get it, Do You Scott? You Don't!

In a perfect example of "completely out of touch with the real world," News Corp. has pulled their channels from all Cablevision markets. Now this in no big deal to me personally, but I'm sure the good people of New York and Philadelphia would like to watch their baseball teams play today.

Disney almost neglected me of Full
House reruns! My favorite is where DJ
does something even though she
knows she's not suppose to and she gets
caught and Danny gives her a heart-
warming speech about how much he
loves her and they hug as the audience
goes, "Awwww!" 

Now we see this happen all the time. It happened earlier this year with Time Warner and Disney channels (ABC, ESPN, ABC Family, and most importantly, the Disney Channel). Now, I'm sure Cablevision viewers are devastated at the prospect of being without FOXNews for days but they're much more likely to get angry/drunk phone calls from Phillies and Evil Empire fans to put the ALCS and NLCS back on the air.

I understand that this is a negotiating ploy and that Cablevision will probably cave but is there no shame among multi-billion dollar corporations? Yeah, I didn't think so either. I'm hoping this backfires on News Corp., who already is pretty much hated, and they have to field all the angry calls. After all, they're the ones who picked the day of the championships to make their point. Although, they should get some credit for not waiting until the World Series to pull this stunt. Clearly, they have some modicum of a soul remaining.

Networks try this crap all the time and it seems that the only cable provider that stands up to them is Time Warner. Look at NFL Network. The NFL, perhaps only second to News Corp. in greediness, forced all of the cable networks to make NFL Network a part of their basic cable. Time Warner refused, saying they would be happy to make it a premium channel but it wouldn't be basic cable because their was no demand for it (I mean, what am I suppose to do with this channel the 360 days they don't have a game?). The NFL started an anti-Time Warner campaign that they had to stop after a few months because it backfired big time. The reason? Believe it or not, the customers didn't want their rates to raise for a network they didn't even really want.

My point is, while these holdouts work more often than not (except when your channel is completely worthless, NFL), all the channel succeeds in doing is making itself look more greedy slowly eroding whatever goodwill they may have. While they may have legitimate reasons to rate increases, the customers are always going to side with the cable provider in this case because they are fighting to keep the rates the same ... so they can raise them later on their own and make more profit. Wait a minute, why do we side with them again?

Riding the Roller Coaster of the NLDS

Talk about a nail-bitter, the NLDS between the Braves and Giants feature a tortured franchise in the Giants and a franchise that, despite winning a title in '95, more often than not winds up let's their fans (most notably, me) down on the postseason stage. I can't recall another series that featured two franchises that had a history of torturing fans and then both teams proceeded to do it each game.  Ride the coaster with me ...

Game 1
Tim Lincecum throws an absolute gem striking out 14 along the way.


Braves Fans Perspective: After a somewhat shaky first inning, Lincecum was totally unhittable and at no time did the Braves fans feel like they had a chance as long as he was pitching.

Giants Fans Perspective: Lincecum was pitching well but, as usual, the batting lineup was letting him down. Loewe pitched well and the Braves bullpen looked solid which means that Braves are only going to touch up Lincecum for two runs the tie the game. Something that all Giants fans were probably expecting.

Game 2
The Giants jump on young Tommy Hansen early but fail to produce any runs after the second.

Braves Fans Perspective: With the lineup missing two of the four best players on the team (Prado and Chipper), there seemed to be little hope of getting five or more runs against Cain. What transpired was a tremendous surprise and once the game was tied up, Braves fans started liking their chances.

The Giants fans' slogan for the year is
"Giants Baseball - Torture." I'm
completely serious.

Giants Fans Perspective: With Cain on the mound and a four run lead after just two innings they had to be feeling pretty good. Until the sixth inning where an error on Pat Burrell (who constantly proves that fielding ability is less than important to play left field in MLB) allowed Derek Lee to advance into scoring position. When McCann drove him in on the next play, Giants fan started feeling that feeling in the pit of their stomachs that the hammer was about to fall. The Braves then made three straight outs stranding McCann on second and allowing Giants fans to breathe again. When the first three batters got on in the eighth, though, Giants fans started getting that nagging feeling of impending doom again. A throwing error on the Kung Fu Panda (almost as overrated as the movie he's named after) scored a run, Giants fans knew what was coming. The Braves tied the game two plays later. The Giants were unable to get runners on in the eight or ninth but in the top of the tenth, the Giants loaded the bases with one out and the one batter performing well in the series coming up in Buster Posey (who incidentally, should decimate Jayson Heyward in the NL Rookie of the Year award who fell apart down the stretch). Posey would hit into a double play that absolutely deflated PacBell (or whatever the hell their calling it these days). Number eight hitter Rick Ankiel launched a bomb into the bay in the 11th and I think all Giants fans knew the game was over at that point.

Game 3
Another pitching showdown. Giants capitalized on an early error on Brooks Conrad (which would become a trend) but went scoreless after that until the ninth. The Braves again struggled to hit until a two-run bomb by Eric Hinske. In a mirror image of Game 2, the Braves blew it in the ninth.

The loneliest man on the planet Sunday
was Brooks Conrad and believe me, I
was relieved to relinquish the title.

Braves Fans Perspective: As the Ks continued to rack up, Braves fans couldn't help but relive Game 1 again. Hope was at an all-time low until Hinske pinch hit in eighth just barely snuck over the wall in right field. After issuing the Giants another stomach punch, it was difficult to believe that they would be able to come back. Unfortunately, Billy Wagner had torn his oblique in the previous game and the Braves had no closer in the pen. Bobby went to young Craig Kimbrel who had been outstanding in Games 1 and 2 for the save. Kimbrel got the first out fairly easily then gave up a walk. He quickly bounced back by fanning Torres and Braves fans couldn't help but believe that the game was over.  Kimbrel gave up a single to Freddy Sanchez and got the hook to bring in a lefty face left-handed batter Aubrey Huff. Huff singled to tie the game. Bobby brought in Moylan to face righty Buster Posey who hit a grounder to second. The ball took an in-between hop and Brooks Conrad (a pinch-hit specialist who was only playing because of the injury to Chipper and Prado) came up completely empty allowing the go-ahead run to score. As far as Braves fans were concerned, the game was over there.

Giants Fans Perspective: Game 3 proved to be a terrifying combination of Games 1 and 2 with a great pitching performance with abismal run support. This time, the Braves capitalized and when the Hinske homer happened, Giants fans had to feel that there was no way they were going win. As the ninth unfolded, Giants fans were in shock as their team took the lead. What people don't understand about being in a tortured franchises, though, is that a lead in a key situation scares the crap out of them. The bottom of the ninth was terrifying. Sure you have a lead, but you're convinced that the only reason you took the lead was to make your loss all the more unbearable. Trust me, they were waiting for something terrible to happen until the very last out.

The Types of Fans

With the playoffs under way in MLB, I thought I would break down the types of fans Bill Simmons-style. Being a Bills and a Braves fans, I've been all over the map and on the happy to devastated scale and could be among the most qualified to do this ... probably. So here we go.

The Winners
At the end of the day, there's only one team in each league that's totally satisfied: the champs. Now, you can further break down the types of winners based on the importance of the title. Don't get me wrong, all titles are specials, but I don't think anyone would argue with that some are better than others. So here we go:

The Guerilla Off the Back

The '04 Sox fans will never be able to
recapture the joy of that title.

There's nothing better than getting that guerilla off your back for the first time whether it's the first title ever or the first in a long, long, long time. I think the reaction of New Orleans' fans last year say it all. This is the only situation where all generations are experiencing the joy of a title for the first time and the elation of accomplishing something that they never thought would happen.

First Title of Your Lifetime
You always remember your first. No matter how much the old-timers tell you about the glory days of your franchise, you never fully own it. Not until your team wins the title under your watch for the first time. Then its your title, something you earned.

First Title in 20+ Years
Important note, this can only apply to 30 and up for obvious reasons. But this is the point where you're beginning to forget what it feels like to win and you're beginning to think it will never happen again. Then comes the sweet reminder.

Been There, Done That
Don't get me wrong, it's still sweet, but it's more like a great buzz than the pure elation of the top three levels. It's the one thing I can hold over Yankees fans. All the titles they win will never feel better than when the Bills win Super Bowl LXV.

The Losers
Nobody likes to lose ... except for maybe Cubs fans. So when your team is finally done for the year it hurts no matter what. But some are less painful than others. Allow me to break it down:

Recent Champs
It's a long-held fact of fandom that if you've won a title in the last 10 years, you cannot complain about not winning until your 10 year window is up. Still in the warm afterglow of a title, it numbs the pain of being eliminated. At least it should, but it can lead to one of our later levels.

Glad-to-Be-Here Playoff Team
When you haven't been to the playoffs in 10 or more years, just getting there is almost as good as winning a title. This can also be said of teams that over-achieved and the fans know it. Losing is going to hurt but you're so pumped to just make the playoffs that you'll convince yourself that this is the first step to an inevitable title, which is a slippery slope to the bottom of this list.

Pessimistic Fans
You have absolutely no faith in your team and therefore you're numb when they lose. Great example of this is the Bills this year. I'm have no confidence that the Bills will win a single game this year. This makes each loss less painful albeit more embarrassing. It's easier to deal with an even level of emotions than a roller coaster which is why I'll always maintain that it's much easier to be a Lions fan than a Bills fan.

Spoiled Fans

LeBron James is a Yankees fan so you
know how hard it is. It's not like he' a
front-runner or anything. He's was also
Bulls and Cowboys fan in the 90s ...
wait a minute ...

This is a franchise that has been so successful recently that they expect to win every single year. When they don't, they take it fairly badly, much to the chagrin of long-suffering fans who have never won. The perfect example is the '03 - '08 Yankees. If you ever heard talk radio coming out of the City in that timeframe, you would think they were the Cubs.

Atlanta Braves Syndrome
I couldn't come up with a better name so bare with the bias. As you'll recall, the Braves won 14 consecutive division titles in the 90s and early 00s. All of these opportunities resulted in exactly 1 title. This is tough to explain to someone who's never won a title but getting all those chances and blowing 13 out of 14 of them hurts pretty bad. Don't believe me? Ask a Colts fan.

Great Expectations, Huge Disappointment
There's nothing worse than finally making it to the top of the game, seeing all the experts pick you, and then coming up short. The worst part of this one is that the team has convinced you that this is the year. This year, they're going to get it done. Then when they're finally eliminated you're blindsided. See: 2001 Mariners.

Tortured Fans

This is just an average day in a Cubs
fan's life

There are only a handful of franchises that fall to this level. Many teams have unjustifiably label themselves tortured franchises but only 9 actually are (counting only the NBA, MLB, and NFL; you know, the real leagues). To qualify, you need to: 1) have no titles in the last 30 years; 2) lose in stunning fashion on a consistent basis and 3) continue to get near greatness only to have it ripped away from you. Using this criteria, I've come up with the following franchises in the three important sports leagues (in no particular order): Bills, Indians, Browns, Cavs, Cubs, Vikings, Knicks, Eagles, SF Giants.

This Year's Playoff Crew
So where do this year's playoff teams fit in on the fan scale? Here's what I got:

Yankees and Phils - Recent Champs
Braves, Rangers and Reds - Glad-to-be-Here
Twins - Atlanta Braves Syndrome
Giants - Tortured Fans
Rays - N/A: don't have fans
*if they did, they would fit in Great Expectations, Huge Disappointment

E-Dunc Misery Watch: Day 3,923

Sure, the team is better looking now,
but is it actually better without
Marshawn Lynch?

The Bills got a lot less ugly today. The Brain Trust traded away one of the few Pro Bowlers left on what is still generously being called a "professional football team." Now granted, you cannot have three high caliber running backs on your team. There just aren't enough carries to go around. So at the end of the day, somebody had to go and Lynch made himself the most expendable by his off the field indiscretions (he got caught smoking pot in an SUV he had inexplicably removed the license plates from and got arrested on gun charges).

This of course brings me back to last year's draft. On a team that had no quality offensive tackles, no starting-caliber quarterbacks, and no pass-catching tight end, the Brain Trust took a running back, something that we already had excellent depth at. Spiller is a phenomenal talent and is a big play waiting to happen, but in my opinion his ceiling is Reggie Bush: an exciting contributor who will never be able to carry a team. By trading Marshawn, we are essentially left with Fast Freddy Jackson as our only serious run threat. I hope that Spiller can break a few big runs the rest of the year, but he's shown no indications that he's ready to do that as a running back (he's showed a lot of promise coming out of the slot and on screen passes, not to mention kick returns but has been less than impressive on run plays).

I wouldn't have thought it possible, but the Bills offense is going to be even more terrible down the stretch as we now lack any semblance of a power running game.

A look into the Bills draft room minutes
before the CJ Spiller pick.

"But E-Dunc," you may be saying, "you have to build for the future and I'm sure you got some good draft picks for him!" Good point, although I would hesitate to say a fourth round pick is the solution to our problem (although it's probably the best we could do). It's clear that the Bills have so many needs that we need all draft choices we can get to fill them. The problem is, given how badly the Brain Trust botched last year's draft, I'm terrified what we're going to do with them. I could see us doing something inexplicable like drafting A.J. Green and then having to trade Lee Evans for a fourth round pick (or as I call it, deja vu) while again refusing to take any tackles for the 83rd year in a row (NOTE: number of years may be an exaggeration).

So good luck in Seattle, Marshawn. If you become an All Pro again, I may have to go all Dexter on One Bills Drive.