The John Travolta Award
(Best Performance By an Actor Thought to Be Washed Up)
Nic Cage – Kick Ass
After seeing Nic’s most recent “movies” it makes it difficult to give him a positive award, but if you saw Kick Ass, you have to admit, he was pretty damn cool. I was hoping beyond hope that this might be the beginning of a comeback of sorts. Drive Angry has convinced me otherwise.
Honorable Mention
Tom Cruise – Knight & Day
The Halle Berry Award
(Actor Who Made the Worst Career Decision of the Year)
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| Danny Glover sheds a tear for what will become of the Brodster |
Adrien Brody – Splice & Predators
If I haven’t been clear enough up to this point, let me spell it out for you: these two movies were BAD. I watched them back to back as a part of an Adrien Bronanza. It made me sad. From such a promising start in Angels in the Outfield to this? Such a shame.
The Christopher Walken Award
(Best Performance in an Otherwise Bad Movie)
Zack Galifianakis – It’s Kind of a Funny Story
I think this movie just tried too hard to be edgy and meaningful. It wasn’t terrible but it could have been good and just, sort of, dropped the ball. Galifianakis was quite good in it, though, and show some real serious acting chops that I didn’t think he had.
The Epic Movie Award
(Worst Screenplay)
Alice in Wonderland
Alice in Wonderland won all sorts of artistic Oscars but was in nobody’s Top Ten movie list. Translation: your movie was enjoyable only on mute. Burton’s attempt to fabricate a sequel about an older Alice went about as well as you expect. Why he didn’t just go for a modern telling of the classic tale is beyond me. But in addition to a meandering and often haphazard plotline, the dialogue was suspect and me constantly rolling my giant-3D-glasses-clad eyes.
Dishonorable Mention
Splice
Robin Hood
The Denise Richards Award
(Worst Supporting Actress)
Lyndsy Fonseca – Kick Ass
Don’t get me wrong, Kick Ass was one of my favorite movies of the year, but even I have to admit that Lyndsy’s acting was so stiff it made me consider renaming this award after her. Like the award’s namesake, Lyndsy and her absurdly spelled first name were in the movie to do only one thing: be hot. And I have to say, she knocked that one out of the park.
The Colin Farrel
(Worst Supporting Actor)
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| "Hello? Anybody home? Think, McFly! Think!" |
My general rule is if it’s not Back to the Future and Crispin Glover is in it, it’s probably a bad movie. I was pleasantly surprised to find that wasn’t the case for Hot Tub Time Machine. But my Glover fever lasted a solid month until I saw Alice in Wonderland and he returned to appropriate level of awkward looks, confusing reads, and, well George McFly-ness. The world is back in balance.
The Sofia Coppola Award
(Worst Actress)
Sarah Polley – Splice
Merely being in Splice automatically puts you in the running for worst actress but out-stinking Brody? That locks it down. Whenever you’re actively rooting for the protagonist to die, you have to wonder if maybe the actor didn’t necessarily do a good job portraying the “hero.”
Dishonorable Mention
Mia Wasikowski – Alice in Wonderland
The Orlando Bloom Award
(Worst Actor)
Adrien Brody – Splice
I’ve ridiculed the man enough so I’m just going to say one more time that Adrien Brody should really be ashamed of himself for this year. I do want to bring up an idea that Bill Simmons and Adam Carrola came up with on Simmons’ podcast. If an actor wins an Oscar and then proceeds to make nothing but terrible movies for the next ten years, the Academy should come back and remove their Oscar, giving it to a more worthy performance. You’ll never guess what Academy Award winner sparked this idea: Nic Cage.
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